How to Deflect Annoying Questions at the Thanksgiving Table

Thanksgiving is right around the corner. Turkey, mashed potatoes, and unavoidable, annoying, intrusive questions from our relatives are only weeks away! We already know our families ask the same questions every year at the Thanksgiving table (let’s have a little conversational creativity, people!). But this year? We’ve got the answers. Prepare yours in advance!

1. So do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend yet?

Once again, I’m single. Very single. But the other day when I went to Starbucks the barista asked me for my name, so that’s promising.

 

2. How is school going?

Well, I have about four mental breakdowns a day. Coffee is pretty much keeping me alive. I have $6.27 in my bank account. I get about three hours of sleep every night and I just failed a midterm. But other than that, I’m doing well.  

 

3. Have you decided on a major?

I actually just declared! I’m specializing in the social interactions of homo sapiens with an emphasis on alcohol consumption.

4. What do you plan to do after graduation?

I really wish I could tell you but I don’t even know which pie I’m going to eat first tonight.

 

5. So you really don’t eat meat anymore?

I already explained 20 times that I’ve been a vegan since last year. Yes, I am still getting protein Grandma. Aren’t you glad I’m not telling you how that turkey died?

 

6. How do you like living with roommates?

Oh I absolutely love not having any privacy at all. On the days where I’m able to sleep in, my roommate sets about seven alarms and lets them all go off on full blast.

 

7. What do you do in your spare time while you’re at school?

The only spare time I have is to procrastinate, so typically I spend it stressing about everything I have to do, everything I’m not doing, or texting people making sure they haven’t started either.

 

8. Are you working out?

When I snooze my alarm five times I usually have to speed walk to class, so I think that counts. And I thought about going to the gym the other day. These things all start with intention.

 

Julianna Franco

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